The Present.

The present's a quiet orphan,
we just want to be having fun.
I have gone now into the woods,
and will return soon without the goods.

Translated by Gary Sullivan.

* * *

Die Gegenwart.

Die Gegenwart ist still allein,
wir wollen doch nur frölich sein.
Ich bin gegangen in den Wald,
und kehre zurücke allzubald.

* * *

Notes

I have a couple of versions of this poem that I translated, and one version that I translated with Oya Ataman. My first solo attempt was very loose:

The Present.

The present is aligned tho still alien
to anyone already content.
I'm going further into my antlers
and will return, baldly trumped.

That is still among my favorites, and it pains me to have ultimately decided against it. But, let's face it, this is Ernst Herbeck, not Joseph Ceravalo, upon which that translation above is obviously modeled.

Oya Ataman and I did an accurate version later:

The Present.

The present is quiet alone,
we just want to have fun
I am going into the woods,
and turn back all too soon.

and I was fully prepared to keep it, but one thing Oya mentioned when we were doing that version was that the original had the quality of a children's rhyme, which this version doesn't. So, last night I decided I'd do one up that kept the same syllable count as the original, and which maybe gets more of that sing-songy-ness that Oya mentioned.

What do you think? Which should ultimately prevail?

[] Gary version 1 ("The present is aligned ...")
[] Oya and Gary version ("The present is quiet alone")
[] Gary version 2 ("The present's a quiet orphan")

Vote early, vote often.

UPDATE: Michael Kelleher voted two or three times yesterday (see comments) for version 2, the one I did with Oya. Kasey Mohammad sent in a version of his own, which has a Herbecky sound to it, actually (more so than my two solo versions, I think).

Looking at all four versions (including Kasey's), I think Michael is ultimately right. The other three, which each have their own strengths, feel more or less slightly off when I read the poem in the larger context of the other poems. So, at least for the moment, I'm going to go with the collaborative translation.